My official website is a dead zombie duck wandering the internet wasteland looking for brains and finding none, especially on facebook. This blog was started as a random drawing/story project about proto feminist zombies...er yeh seemed like a good idea at the time. Now it is just a blog about my art in general with the occasional feminist zombie thrown in

Sunday 28 April 2013



Ever since they were children Marie and Susan had wanted to be pilots. Most of their friends and parents just laughed at them playing in the garden with toy planes, they'd make comments that they would be better off playing at air hostess' and to get their heads out of the clouds. There was one person who encouraged them all the way and told them they could be anything they wanted to be, it was Susan's grandfather Charlie. He'd been a pilot in WW2 and come back to England a changed man. He'd also come back to a changed country, with women taking jobs in factories in the men's absence he found England to be a new and exciting country and he liked it. He thought there was nothing his granddaughter and her friend shouldn't be able to do if they really wanted to do it.

It was a hard slog through pilot training, but they both got there after lots of perseverance and putting up with endless sexual innuendo from their fellow fly boys. The only problem was there were no major airlines that would take them on, full pilots licence or not this was 1970's England and sexual equality was still a long way off. Susan's grandfather was old and frail by the time she got her full licence, but he still had enough fight in him to be absolutely livid when he found out about the unfair treatment Susan was having to put up with.  He knew she was twice the pilot of those toffee nosed sods and could fly circles around the bloody lot of them! So he came up with an idea, if no airline would take them on as full pilots then by god they should start their own airline. He'd worked hard all his life and invested wisely and was planning on giving Susan a large inheritance when he died. Instead of having to wait for him to kick the bucket he decided to give Susan her inheritance now, not in cash but in the form of a light aircraft! It was a only a small plane, a six seat cargo and haulage plane. Susan and Marie were over the moon when he took them to the airport and they opened the private hanger to reveal the plane. It was small and a little rusty but they loved it immediately.

Their first jobs together were mostly haulage, taking cargo and packages back and forth across the channel to Europe. Susan was the captain of the aircraft and boss of the company, Marie was a good pilot but could sometimes be a little nervous in heavy weather, so she was happy with her place as co-pilot. Susan knew that one day Marie would be able to Captain her own plane, she had the skills but just lacked the confidence. 

Over time their company went from strength to strength, they invested in more and more cargo planes and took on more staff. They were equal opportunity employers and took on men and women in all kinds of roles. It was not until the late eighties that they took the step of buying their first commercial passenger aircraft. They couldn't compete with the big companies so decided to try the other end of the market and go for high end air travel. Limited flights for an exclusive clientele with a small number of aircraft to business destinations. It really worked and slowly but surely they built up a reputation for excellent and punctual service.

Marie and Susan still flew a lot of the flights themselves, it was the flying that they really loved and they tried to keep doing it as much as possible between all the board meetings and business plans. It was one such flight from London to New York that their friendship was tested to breaking point and beyond.

Everything had been going quite smoothly, they'd taken off from London on time and were making good time to New York. It was a late night haul and the in Flight meal had been served to the passengers and crew and now most of the passengers were settling down to sleep. They were about two hours from New York when the head Stewardess came screaming over the intercom. It was so shrill it made Marie almost jump out of her seat. She was screaming something about a passenger gone crazy attacking everyone. She continued to yell and scream until their ear sets went dead. Marie turned to Susan, she looked pale and pretty shook up. Susan got up to look through the spy hole of the cabin door, she turned to Marie with a sick look on her face. She told Marie that it looked like a blood bath in there, she said she was going to go in and see if she could help get any staff and unhurt passengers to the rear of the plane and was going to try to restrain the violent passenger. Meanwhile she wanted Marie to get in touch with New York control tower and tell them what was going on and see if they could be diverted to a closer airport. But Marie just sat there stunned for a minute staring at Susan, she spoke in a slow monotone voice, almost as if she was in a dream. She told Susan that if anyone should go out there it should be her, it was much better that Susan stay in control of the aircraft and radio the tower. Before Susan could protest Marie had already got up and gone out the door into the blood drenched cabin. 

Half an hour passed without a single noise coming over the intercom. Susan was getting worried, she'd contacted the control tower and got them diverted to Boston airport. Emergency services were waiting for them to land, they wanted more information on how many people had been injured but from the cockpit Susan had no way of knowing what the hell was going on. She put the plane on autopilot and looked through the spy hole again, the cabin was smoky and it was hard to see anything at all, but suddenly a horrible figure loomed into view....


Susan jumped back in horror, she felt the blood drain from her body and felt faint. Again she moved her eye to the spy hole, this time the face was much much closer and much much clearer...

It was Marie's uniform but that couldn't be Marie, this thing didn't even look human. It moved in horrible jolting rhythms, it's limbs seemed to have a life of their own. Slashing and hammering around the cabin in random spasms this monster couldn't be Marie! Susan was transfixed, she watched in growing horror as the monster dragged itself towards a passenger who was lying unconscious on the floor, it straddled the passengers body and began to rip pieces of flesh from their face in huge chunks and eat them. Susan screamed out and hammered at the door, for a second she opened the cockpit door and moved towards the thing. But it raised its head with an awful snap and turned to look at her. Those eyes pierced through her, all yellow and glowing they shook Susan to the bone. It let out the most guttural wailing scream that pinned Susan to the spot with fear. The thing bolted for Susan, if the radio hadn't crackled into life snapping her out of her paralysing fear she would never of made it back into the cockpit in time.

The thing hammered at the door, kicking scratching and screaming all bloody murder on the other side. Susan thought there was no f**king way it would get through. Those doors are bullet proof, just as she took her seat back at the controls the door began to bend and dent. Susan knew it wouldn't hold until they got to Boston, she also knew she did not want to unleash that thing by landing anywhere near a populated space. She decided to do an emergency landing, she put a message out for whatever passengers and crew where left alive to brace and prepare for an emergency landing. She put the plane into a steep dive and began to bring it down into the frozen wastes of north America, she knew even if she survived this crash she'd still be in the middle of no where. She sent out a message to air traffic control of her current position and what the hell was going on. She knew they wouldn't believe her and this would probably be the end of her career.
She leveled the plane out and could see a frozen valley bathed in moonlight ahead, she just had time to think about how much this was going to hurt when the cockpit door smashed in.


The monster dove at Susan, she banked the plane sharply to the left throwing the monster of its feet and smashing it into the cockpit window, cabin pressure was lost, the wind lashed in and shards of icy rain cut at Susan's face. The plane rolled onto its side, she was loosing control. At that moment she remembered her Grandfather's face, he always believed in her no matter what, she grabbed the controls and pulled the aircraft level. The monster had been thrown to the back of the cockpit, it clawed its way towards Susan and was just about to sink its teeth into her neck when the plane smashed into the ground.


The plane sheared its way across the frozen ground, Susan could hear rocks ripping at the fuselage grinding and cutting through the metal. The aircraft seemed to scream out in pain as Susan put the engines into full reverse to try and slow them down as they barreled down the icy mountainside. The plane must have slid 200 meters when it snapped in half, the cockpit and part of the cabin spun away as the engines exploded in a shower of aviation fuel, the monster was being tossed all over the cockpit, but was still trying to grab at Susan, she was bracing in her seat now, there was nothing else she could do. The side of the cockpit smashed into a rock face and tore away, jolting the monster upwards and knocking it out of the cockpit, a few seconds later the front of the plane came to a sudden halt in a snow bank.

Susan woke up a few minutes later, her head was bleeding and her right arm was broken. She was shaken up but managed to pry herself out of the seat and onto the floor. The plane was a f**king right off, she thought the boys back at the hangar would never let her hear the end of this, then she thought of Marie and began to cry. That thing couldn't have been Marie she thought, there was no way it was her. Making a strap with her tie she tied her broken arm tight to her chest. The pain was excruciating but she managed to drag herself out of the wrecked plane and onto the snowy ground. She could see how far they had slid down the mountain, the burning wreckage lit up the whole valley, the flames licking up into the cold night sky towards the stars. Then she saw a dark figure move in front of the flames and she froze in terror.


It was Marie, she could see her ravaged uniform and her co-pilot stripes. The thing began to limp over towards Susan, dark blood pouring from its mouth, as it grew closer Susan noticed it was wading through a pool of aviation fuel on the ground, she fumbled through her pockets and pulled out a lighter her Grandfather had left her in his will, inscribed into its silver metal were a pair of angel wings. She flicked it open and lit it and threw it as hard as she could towards the monster. The aviation fuel went up in a flash, cremating her former friend and co-pilot in seconds. Susan flopped back into the cold snow, and passed out.


Monday 22 April 2013

So after a couple of months of doing this blog i have become curious....who (if anyone) is reading this nonsense coming from my brain hole? I want to know who you people are? Where are you? What country are you from? How did you find this blog? Do you like this blog? Do you like the stories so far and where it is going? I don't know, i guess i would just like to know that all the page hits i am getting aren't from internet robots and from actual fleshy real people who like the silly drawings and even sillier stories. Basically if you can spare even 5 minutes of your time to leave a comment or write to me via my gmail profile i'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much and I have another story in the pipeline and am planning on doing a few more pictures for the next one and making it more in depth. So may take a bit longer than usual as sometimes my brain freaks out and I start to draw like a five year old.

Thanks for reading.

Jon P

P.S

That is me without hair or skin...

Saturday 13 April 2013




 There isn't much that can't be bought, sold or commodified these days. Why would a rampaging plague of zombies be any different from your favourite pop group, T.V show or any other piece of mass consumerist crap sold to you via branded prepackaged pieces of plastic made in China? We all need to make a quick buck! So how the heck do you make money from zombies? Zombie tourism of course!

Fifty years after the zombie outbreak most major cities had been abandoned to the zombie hordes. With over population and cramped conditions, cities were a breeding ground for the zombie epidemic, the virus moved quickly through the populace. Survivors moved to more remote areas, leaving the cities behind to be surrounded by the military. Cities that were near to natural resources were spared from being nuked out of existence, instead they were cordoned off and contained behind 50 foot high quarantine walls made of concrete and steel. Slowly but surely the military moved through the cities clearing out the plague street by street. This was a slow and dangerous process, top generals estimated that in another 30 years they could contain some of the worst hit places and make them habitable to humans again. Once they had been completely quarantined the walls once holding the zombies in would keep any other zombies out, making the cities into giant walled safe zones that could once again become gleaming monuments to capitalism and industry.

In the meantime one person saw the cities not as dangerous no go areas but as a business opportunity. Andras Bron Rich was a wild entrepreneur known for his rock and roll antics and crazy business ideas. Wealthy beyond most peoples dreams he had everything he could ever want, but he was terminally bored and always looking for the next extreme business adventure. He sold his vast rail and airline network to the military at a loss in order to secure sole civilian access to the dangerous walled cities.

His idea was pretty simple, people love death and destruction when they are witnessing it from a safe distance, think about all the people holding up traffic looking at a car crash in the opposite lane, ya know that kinda base human condition was one he could get behind! So why not turn the zombie infested cities into a safari experience, think secure cars driving through the ravaged metropolis looking at the ruined buildings and drooling zombies. And if mom and pop want to shoot a few zombies with high powered rifles then for a price they can do that too! Think jurassic park without the dinosaurs and sh*tty effects and bad sequels, but with way more profit. Basically the whole zombie outbreak had been a bit traumatic for most people, running for your life and seeing family members ripped to shreds gets old pretty quick. So getting a bit of revenge and getting it from a safe place was most peoples idea of the perfect vacation. Sure some high brow types said it was in bad taste, but Andras just sold them the idea that what he was actually doing was a Ballardian tour of post apocalyptic society, a kind of post modern comment on the degradation of mass consumerist civilisation....or some such bullshi*t.

Within the first three years he'd made 200 million dollars across 14 different sites on several continents. Business was booming. Andras wasn't the type of man to rest on his laurels. Just because he had success didn't mean that things didn't need improving, he decided to take a personal look at the New York branch of zombland safari park. Since the out break Manhattan had been completely sealed off. Being one of the jewels in Andras' business crown he got the military to agree to not start clearing the infestation there for at least 20 years. He'd grown up in New York and always knew it would one day be his personal play ground. He took a private helicopter from his secure fortress at Block island wildlife refuge to Manhattan island. He landed and headed to the central offices. Meeting up with his chief of security Michael Dengler he informed him he wanted to take a personal tour with one of the drivers. The driver wasn't to know he was Andras Bron Rich, he wanted a untainted view of the safari experience to see what was working and what wasn't.

Maria was just about to clock off when the radio fizzed into life, it was Charlie her foreman telling her she had one more tour to do today. It must be one of those f**king late bookings, these uber rich jerks always make specialist bookings late in the day and of course they pay top dollar and get what they want. Unfortunately for Maria she didn't get any over time pay for doing this and being one of the few drivers who drove the smaller jeep tours, she was stuck doing it. She had enough problems at the moment and really couldn't be f**ked with this. Pulling the jeep around into the tourist loading bay Maria stared at her passenger, it couldn't be, was it really him? Sh*t it was him. The back door of the jeep opened up and he got in. He introduced himself as Tony and said he was really looking forward to the zombie tour. Maria turned around in her seat and told him she needed to just go fuel up before they headed out, she asked him if he would like to shoot any of the zombies today, because if so she'd also pick up some ammo. He said he wouldn't mind so they headed over to the garage before they ventured into the undead metropolis. Maria couldn't believe who was sat in the back of her jeep, a plan began to form in her mind.

One hour later they'd made their way south of central park through zombie infested streets, ''Tony'' had wanted to shoot a few zombies but Maria told him she knew a really good sniper spot so he should wait. She'd put on the usual vid tour tape but he'd insisted on asking her lots of irritating questions so she had to turn it off and actually talk to the ass. Thankfully it was at this point the car engine cut out. Maria made a song and dance of trying to start it over knowing full well why it was dead. ''Tony'' asked her if everything was alright, she told him to climb into the front and lock the back cage. He clambered over the seat and locked the cage separating the driver and passenger compartment. ''Tony'' grabbed the radio and started trying to call central to get another vehicle over to pick them up, the radio was dead too. Turning to her he looked flustered, he explained to her he wasn't Tony at all, he was Andras Bron Rich CEO of all she could see. He went on to say that there would be a hell of a lot of money in it for her if she could get him back safely to the central offices.

Maria took a deep breath and explained what was going on, she knew damn well who he was all along. He was Andras Bron Rich multimillionaire playboy businessman. He owned this entire island and had a monopoly on the zombie tourism business. He was the reason she'd been on less than minimum wage these last two years, he was the reason corners had been cut regarding staff safety at all the zombland tourist resorts. He was also the asshole who's bio-medical company had developed a suppressant to the zombie infection, the same asshole who's same asshole company sold the same f*cking suppressant for $5000 a dose. She informed him she syphoned petrol from the tank instead of filling it up, emptied the gun of bullets and took all the batteries out of the radio. She also informed him she had been bitten four days ago and would probably turn any time now. Finally she told him she had gone completely off the tourist route and also shoved her jeeps G.P.S into another vehicle that was touring the northern sector of the island.

Andras flipped, he grabbed the rifle and pointed it at Maria, he repeatedly clicked the trigger. Grabbing the rifle by the barrel Maria forced the shoulder stock into Andas' chest winding him. She then picked up the radio and smashed it into his face knocking him out cold. She felt calm now, he may wake up soon but it wouldn't matter, his fate was sealed. Sounding the horn several times Maria sat and waited, from the dark shadows and doorways all around them staggering figures appeared and surrounded the car. Attracted by the noise they began to scrape and bang on the windows and rock the car. Maria felt faint, her whole body felt hot and cold at once, she looked in the rear view mirror and saw tears of blood flowing from her eyes...

...Andras opened his eyes and felt an awful pain in his head, he rubbed at his face and felt something wet on his hands. A low growl emanated to his left, he looked over to see Maria's rotten zombie face, teeth bared diving towards him...





Saturday 6 April 2013


Monica had drawn the short straw, it would be her turn to run around in a bright pink bunny outfit chased by hundreds of screaming kids this year. Monica worked at Buddy Woody Beaver's super happy fun camp world of adventure land, it was Easter and it was one of the busiest times of year.

Every year the staff dreaded bunny duty, you'd have to be super smiley happy all day and pass out chocolate eggs to all the kids in the theme park. This usually involved being punched, kicked and snotted on by all the screaming little monsters. Not to mention being reprimanded by angry mothers and fathers if their hateful offspring didn't get as many eggs as the other kids.

Monica was hung over that morning, she'd been out on the town the night before and had one too many shots and cocktails. Feeling really hanging and grim and knowing she'd pulled bunny duty she was thinking about calling in and pulling a sicky, but she knew she was on her last chance with the manager and he would probably fire her. There was nothing else for it, she would have to try a hangover cure. She decided to try a prairie oyster, cracking a raw egg into a glass, adding a little salt and pepper, a dash of Worcestershire sauce and a couple of dashes of Tabasco...holding her nose and necking it back. Bleaurgh!

Monica didn't know that the egg she chose to use had come from a infected zombie chicken. She took a cold shower, threw on some clothes and made a rather rocky drive to work all the while the zombie egg was making its way through her system.

By the time she arrived at work she was feeling a little flushed and faint, but she put that down to the drink and got changed into her lovely bunny outfit. The manager came in and told her to be on form today, handed her a basket full of eggs and told her to get out there and give it her all. He then gave her a quick sniff and asked her if she'd been drinking. She of course denied this and got the hell out of there and into the theme park before he could realise she was still clearly sh*t faced. Making her way around the back of the coconut shack she sat on a bale of hay and pulled a hip flask of whiskey out of her bunny suit and took a swig. The hangover cure wasn't doing sh*t so maybe hair of the dog would do it, she had about ten minutes before the theme park opened and filled with brats. Her head feeling like a bag of smashed crabs she took another shot from the hip flask and gave out a massive belch, sparked up a cigarette and tried to get herself together.

Around an hour later the manager was stalking around trying to find out what the hell had happened to Monica, she hadn't been seen all morning and hadn't handed out any eggs to the kids, he had twenty parents asking where the hell the Easter bunny was and demanding an egg for their putrid little kids. He'd checked everywhere, around the smoking hide away behind the Buddy Woody Beaver log flume, by the staff make out place behind the bubble gum shop and even under the Super Woody roller coaster where he once found Janice from tills and Roy the cleaner having sex one bank holiday Monday. Finally he took a look around the back of the coconut shack, he found Monica slumped over on a bale of hay, a string of vomit oozing out of her face into a dirty great pool on the ground. He couldn't see her face but knew his hunch this morning that she had been drinking was right, damn he was a good manager and he always knew when his staff were lying to him. He made his way over and tapped her on the shoulder. He was just about to reprimand her when she twisted her head around and with an awful crack snapped her neck, he took a step back in shock. She sat there with her body facing one way and her head lolling at him, her face had rotted away exposing bone and rotten flesh. She looked quite the sight in a bright pink bunny outfit with a skull for a face and her head on the wrong way around. She snapped her body around with a click and jumped to her feet, a dark patch of p*ss appeared on the manager's trousers. Monica hissed  from clenched rotten teeth and jumped onto her manager, raking her teeth down his face she tore off his nose and lips. He fell bloodied to the ground clutching at what remained of his face. Monica made short work of the rest of him and made her way out to the theme park. Hundreds of kids were running riot all around, it was like a zombie pick and mix!

Around three hours later Monica stood in a pool of blood and guts, smashed chocolate eggs and kids skulls littered the ground. She'd had the best day at work ever and not only that but her hangover had completely gone! She got onto the Buddy Woody Beaver log flume and took a pleasure ride in the now blood red water and drank a shot of blood and whiskey from a child's skull.