My official website is a dead zombie duck wandering the internet wasteland looking for brains and finding none, especially on facebook. This blog was started as a random drawing/story project about proto feminist yeh seemed like a good idea at the time. Now it is just a blog about my art in general with the occasional feminist zombie thrown in

Saturday, 13 April 2013

 There isn't much that can't be bought, sold or commodified these days. Why would a rampaging plague of zombies be any different from your favourite pop group, T.V show or any other piece of mass consumerist crap sold to you via branded prepackaged pieces of plastic made in China? We all need to make a quick buck! So how the heck do you make money from zombies? Zombie tourism of course!

Fifty years after the zombie outbreak most major cities had been abandoned to the zombie hordes. With over population and cramped conditions, cities were a breeding ground for the zombie epidemic, the virus moved quickly through the populace. Survivors moved to more remote areas, leaving the cities behind to be surrounded by the military. Cities that were near to natural resources were spared from being nuked out of existence, instead they were cordoned off and contained behind 50 foot high quarantine walls made of concrete and steel. Slowly but surely the military moved through the cities clearing out the plague street by street. This was a slow and dangerous process, top generals estimated that in another 30 years they could contain some of the worst hit places and make them habitable to humans again. Once they had been completely quarantined the walls once holding the zombies in would keep any other zombies out, making the cities into giant walled safe zones that could once again become gleaming monuments to capitalism and industry.

In the meantime one person saw the cities not as dangerous no go areas but as a business opportunity. Andras Bron Rich was a wild entrepreneur known for his rock and roll antics and crazy business ideas. Wealthy beyond most peoples dreams he had everything he could ever want, but he was terminally bored and always looking for the next extreme business adventure. He sold his vast rail and airline network to the military at a loss in order to secure sole civilian access to the dangerous walled cities.

His idea was pretty simple, people love death and destruction when they are witnessing it from a safe distance, think about all the people holding up traffic looking at a car crash in the opposite lane, ya know that kinda base human condition was one he could get behind! So why not turn the zombie infested cities into a safari experience, think secure cars driving through the ravaged metropolis looking at the ruined buildings and drooling zombies. And if mom and pop want to shoot a few zombies with high powered rifles then for a price they can do that too! Think jurassic park without the dinosaurs and sh*tty effects and bad sequels, but with way more profit. Basically the whole zombie outbreak had been a bit traumatic for most people, running for your life and seeing family members ripped to shreds gets old pretty quick. So getting a bit of revenge and getting it from a safe place was most peoples idea of the perfect vacation. Sure some high brow types said it was in bad taste, but Andras just sold them the idea that what he was actually doing was a Ballardian tour of post apocalyptic society, a kind of post modern comment on the degradation of mass consumerist civilisation....or some such bullshi*t.

Within the first three years he'd made 200 million dollars across 14 different sites on several continents. Business was booming. Andras wasn't the type of man to rest on his laurels. Just because he had success didn't mean that things didn't need improving, he decided to take a personal look at the New York branch of zombland safari park. Since the out break Manhattan had been completely sealed off. Being one of the jewels in Andras' business crown he got the military to agree to not start clearing the infestation there for at least 20 years. He'd grown up in New York and always knew it would one day be his personal play ground. He took a private helicopter from his secure fortress at Block island wildlife refuge to Manhattan island. He landed and headed to the central offices. Meeting up with his chief of security Michael Dengler he informed him he wanted to take a personal tour with one of the drivers. The driver wasn't to know he was Andras Bron Rich, he wanted a untainted view of the safari experience to see what was working and what wasn't.

Maria was just about to clock off when the radio fizzed into life, it was Charlie her foreman telling her she had one more tour to do today. It must be one of those f**king late bookings, these uber rich jerks always make specialist bookings late in the day and of course they pay top dollar and get what they want. Unfortunately for Maria she didn't get any over time pay for doing this and being one of the few drivers who drove the smaller jeep tours, she was stuck doing it. She had enough problems at the moment and really couldn't be f**ked with this. Pulling the jeep around into the tourist loading bay Maria stared at her passenger, it couldn't be, was it really him? Sh*t it was him. The back door of the jeep opened up and he got in. He introduced himself as Tony and said he was really looking forward to the zombie tour. Maria turned around in her seat and told him she needed to just go fuel up before they headed out, she asked him if he would like to shoot any of the zombies today, because if so she'd also pick up some ammo. He said he wouldn't mind so they headed over to the garage before they ventured into the undead metropolis. Maria couldn't believe who was sat in the back of her jeep, a plan began to form in her mind.

One hour later they'd made their way south of central park through zombie infested streets, ''Tony'' had wanted to shoot a few zombies but Maria told him she knew a really good sniper spot so he should wait. She'd put on the usual vid tour tape but he'd insisted on asking her lots of irritating questions so she had to turn it off and actually talk to the ass. Thankfully it was at this point the car engine cut out. Maria made a song and dance of trying to start it over knowing full well why it was dead. ''Tony'' asked her if everything was alright, she told him to climb into the front and lock the back cage. He clambered over the seat and locked the cage separating the driver and passenger compartment. ''Tony'' grabbed the radio and started trying to call central to get another vehicle over to pick them up, the radio was dead too. Turning to her he looked flustered, he explained to her he wasn't Tony at all, he was Andras Bron Rich CEO of all she could see. He went on to say that there would be a hell of a lot of money in it for her if she could get him back safely to the central offices.

Maria took a deep breath and explained what was going on, she knew damn well who he was all along. He was Andras Bron Rich multimillionaire playboy businessman. He owned this entire island and had a monopoly on the zombie tourism business. He was the reason she'd been on less than minimum wage these last two years, he was the reason corners had been cut regarding staff safety at all the zombland tourist resorts. He was also the asshole who's bio-medical company had developed a suppressant to the zombie infection, the same asshole who's same asshole company sold the same f*cking suppressant for $5000 a dose. She informed him she syphoned petrol from the tank instead of filling it up, emptied the gun of bullets and took all the batteries out of the radio. She also informed him she had been bitten four days ago and would probably turn any time now. Finally she told him she had gone completely off the tourist route and also shoved her jeeps G.P.S into another vehicle that was touring the northern sector of the island.

Andras flipped, he grabbed the rifle and pointed it at Maria, he repeatedly clicked the trigger. Grabbing the rifle by the barrel Maria forced the shoulder stock into Andas' chest winding him. She then picked up the radio and smashed it into his face knocking him out cold. She felt calm now, he may wake up soon but it wouldn't matter, his fate was sealed. Sounding the horn several times Maria sat and waited, from the dark shadows and doorways all around them staggering figures appeared and surrounded the car. Attracted by the noise they began to scrape and bang on the windows and rock the car. Maria felt faint, her whole body felt hot and cold at once, she looked in the rear view mirror and saw tears of blood flowing from her eyes...

...Andras opened his eyes and felt an awful pain in his head, he rubbed at his face and felt something wet on his hands. A low growl emanated to his left, he looked over to see Maria's rotten zombie face, teeth bared diving towards him...

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