My official website is a dead zombie duck wandering the internet wasteland looking for brains and finding none, especially on facebook. This blog was started as a random drawing/story project about proto feminist yeh seemed like a good idea at the time. Now it is just a blog about my art in general with the occasional feminist zombie thrown in

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Monica had drawn the short straw, it would be her turn to run around in a bright pink bunny outfit chased by hundreds of screaming kids this year. Monica worked at Buddy Woody Beaver's super happy fun camp world of adventure land, it was Easter and it was one of the busiest times of year.

Every year the staff dreaded bunny duty, you'd have to be super smiley happy all day and pass out chocolate eggs to all the kids in the theme park. This usually involved being punched, kicked and snotted on by all the screaming little monsters. Not to mention being reprimanded by angry mothers and fathers if their hateful offspring didn't get as many eggs as the other kids.

Monica was hung over that morning, she'd been out on the town the night before and had one too many shots and cocktails. Feeling really hanging and grim and knowing she'd pulled bunny duty she was thinking about calling in and pulling a sicky, but she knew she was on her last chance with the manager and he would probably fire her. There was nothing else for it, she would have to try a hangover cure. She decided to try a prairie oyster, cracking a raw egg into a glass, adding a little salt and pepper, a dash of Worcestershire sauce and a couple of dashes of Tabasco...holding her nose and necking it back. Bleaurgh!

Monica didn't know that the egg she chose to use had come from a infected zombie chicken. She took a cold shower, threw on some clothes and made a rather rocky drive to work all the while the zombie egg was making its way through her system.

By the time she arrived at work she was feeling a little flushed and faint, but she put that down to the drink and got changed into her lovely bunny outfit. The manager came in and told her to be on form today, handed her a basket full of eggs and told her to get out there and give it her all. He then gave her a quick sniff and asked her if she'd been drinking. She of course denied this and got the hell out of there and into the theme park before he could realise she was still clearly sh*t faced. Making her way around the back of the coconut shack she sat on a bale of hay and pulled a hip flask of whiskey out of her bunny suit and took a swig. The hangover cure wasn't doing sh*t so maybe hair of the dog would do it, she had about ten minutes before the theme park opened and filled with brats. Her head feeling like a bag of smashed crabs she took another shot from the hip flask and gave out a massive belch, sparked up a cigarette and tried to get herself together.

Around an hour later the manager was stalking around trying to find out what the hell had happened to Monica, she hadn't been seen all morning and hadn't handed out any eggs to the kids, he had twenty parents asking where the hell the Easter bunny was and demanding an egg for their putrid little kids. He'd checked everywhere, around the smoking hide away behind the Buddy Woody Beaver log flume, by the staff make out place behind the bubble gum shop and even under the Super Woody roller coaster where he once found Janice from tills and Roy the cleaner having sex one bank holiday Monday. Finally he took a look around the back of the coconut shack, he found Monica slumped over on a bale of hay, a string of vomit oozing out of her face into a dirty great pool on the ground. He couldn't see her face but knew his hunch this morning that she had been drinking was right, damn he was a good manager and he always knew when his staff were lying to him. He made his way over and tapped her on the shoulder. He was just about to reprimand her when she twisted her head around and with an awful crack snapped her neck, he took a step back in shock. She sat there with her body facing one way and her head lolling at him, her face had rotted away exposing bone and rotten flesh. She looked quite the sight in a bright pink bunny outfit with a skull for a face and her head on the wrong way around. She snapped her body around with a click and jumped to her feet, a dark patch of p*ss appeared on the manager's trousers. Monica hissed  from clenched rotten teeth and jumped onto her manager, raking her teeth down his face she tore off his nose and lips. He fell bloodied to the ground clutching at what remained of his face. Monica made short work of the rest of him and made her way out to the theme park. Hundreds of kids were running riot all around, it was like a zombie pick and mix!

Around three hours later Monica stood in a pool of blood and guts, smashed chocolate eggs and kids skulls littered the ground. She'd had the best day at work ever and not only that but her hangover had completely gone! She got onto the Buddy Woody Beaver log flume and took a pleasure ride in the now blood red water and drank a shot of blood and whiskey from a child's skull.

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