My official website is a dead zombie duck wandering the internet wasteland looking for brains and finding none, especially on facebook. This blog was started as a random drawing/story project about proto feminist yeh seemed like a good idea at the time. Now it is just a blog about my art in general with the occasional feminist zombie thrown in

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Vanessa had been house bound for years, she'd always struggled to keep her weight in check, trying every diet and exercise program there was. But nothing really stuck, the problem was that Vanessa just loved food and she was fed up with feeling like she had to apologise to people for it. It was her body after all and she didn't see why it was anyone else's business! Things started to look up for Vanessa when she met George online, he just loved big women and they soon formed a very close friendship chatting and sending each other funny pictures of cats wearing sweaters. George moved into her house and they soon realised they were meant to be with each other, the wedding was six weeks later. (a priest had to come to the house because by this point Vanessa couldn't get out of bed)

Sure it wasn't a traditional relationship but, they were happy together and that is all that matters. George would do all the day to day things like going out to get the shopping and cleaning the house while Vanessa would be online running their internet business. (she knitted jumpers for cats and sold them via their website The business was doing so well George didn't need another job and was working for it posting out all the orders.

It was while George was out one day that it happened, Vanessa was in bed knitting some cute cat booties for their new autumn line when she heard a strange scraping at the front door. Maybe it's George and he has forgot his keys again and got locked out? The fool is always doing that she thought, he'll soon come round back and let himself in with the key under the mat. Instead the scraping turned into a loud tap.....Vanessa called out, ''Hello? Who's there?'' The tapping started growing louder until it was a huge banging on the door, again and again as if someone was throwing themselves at it. Vanessa freaked out and grabbed the phone and dialled the police, while she was doing this she screamed as loud as she could ''I'm calling the freaking police so you better get the hell out of here!'' This didn't deter them at all and as the police answered the phone she heard the front door smash in and, just as suddenly the phone went dead...

...there was silence then, Vanessa was shaking with fear. She just sat there listening, she could hear laboured breaths,  each breath followed by a gargled click of mucus in the throat. The floorboards creaked, pots and pans were knocked to the floor in a loud crash in the kitchen next door, then her bedroom door opened slowly with a creak...

...George was driving down the road at full speed, he'd just been in town where he'd seen forty zombies tearing through the shopping mall killing everything in their path. George was freaking the flip out and was just turning into the drive of their house when he saw the door was smashed in. He screeched the car to a halt and ran head long into the house. The living room had been smashed to pieces, their things were scattered all over the floor, hundreds of cat sweaters lay strewn about the place. He made his way into the bedroom, there he saw two zombies on the bed chewing at Vanessa. She looked blue, a huge puddle of blood covered the sheets and ran down into the shag carpet, George screamed and grabbed a shard of mirror off the floor and stabbed at the zombies as they ate Vanessa. He pushed the shard deep into the back of their heads and they dropped to the floor. Laying there covered in blood and guts George put his head in his hands and began to cry.

Drying his tears with a cat sweater, (the angora knit was really absorbent) he slapped himself about the face to get control and knew what had to be done. He dragged the zombies out back and covered them in petrol and set them alight, then he moved back to the bedroom. Vanessa was dead, he pulled at the bloodied sheets and tied them around her massive bulk, with all his strength he dragged her corpse to the cellar door. It took all he had to push her obese carcass through the doorway and down the stairs into the cellar. Her massive body rolled down and with a huge crash smashed the stairs as she fell. Good he thought, she won't be able to get out.

He sat down in the living room utterly exhausted with a beer in his hand and surveyed the carnage that used to be his home. A few hours later he heard banging and screaming in the cellar, she'd come back.

George and Vanessa are still happily married these days, he still goes out and does all the errands and she still stays at home. A few things have changed though, George doesn't do the food shopping at the supermarket, instead he drugs unsuspecting people and throws their bodies in the cellar. Vanessa still knits cat sweaters but they now all have knitted cat skull designs on the front. The business is booming with the goth cat owning crowd.

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