Elvira is one of those girls you'd see in a branded coffee shop reading a book or blogging on her fruit themed laptop in a quiet corner. (urgh i hate bloggers! Self promoting bores!) She'd sit there occasionally sipping at her decaffeinated skinny caramel macchiato with chocolate sprinkles, head buried in her book and not even notice you. Being savaged by zombies and chewed a bit hasn't really changed her all that much, she still loves to sit in a corner drinking coffee and reading a good book. Except now the coffee is full caffeine with added human blood and skin sprinkles and the corner she sits in is very quiet due to her stinking up the entire coffee shop with the smell of her putrid rotten flesh.

Now, before you start thinking of sauntering over there and trying out some age old chat up technique or impressing her with your knowledge of modern literary greats (Andy Mcnab and Dan F****** Brown, you ill educated knuckle dragging moron, do not fall into this catagory) notice she is reading a book by Virginia Woolf......no she didn't write little red riding hood.

It basically should lead you to assume that Elvira here is a thoughtful and well read zombie teen who is interested in feminist literature and ideas. In other words she is not going to be impressed by you at all you douch. What do you mean you've read feminist books? What? NO, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS NOT A FEMINIST TOME YOU D**K HOLE. IT'S A BADLY CRAFTED, BADLY WRITTEN CRAP-FEST WHICH PRESUMES ALL WOMEN WANT IS SOME RICH CRUMBY ASS TO DOMINATE THEM AND GIVE THEM SHALLOW MEANINGLESS SEX THAT REQUIRES NO CLITORAL STIMULATION TO ACHIEVE ORGASM. And what's with all the f*****g sighing in that book? The characters never speak they always ''breath'' words or ''sigh'' them.......christ.

Well if you want to still give her a try you can, go on go ask her for her number or whatever. Just leave me out of it!